Habits – the good, the bad, and the ones we haven’t yet created

Habits are everything! They shape our daily lives and our health more than we might realise. Following extensive health tests, founder Mette Skjærbæk was forced to take a close look at her habits – and bad habits. Using a simple yet effective method, she slowly began to turn her life around.

Rainer Maria Rilke writes in the poetry collection Duino Elegies:

“...so we are left with, say, some tree on a hillside – one that we see every day; we are left with yesterday’s stroll and the pampered loyalty of an old habit that liked us so much it decided to stay, and never left…”

That sentence – “The pampered loyalty of an old habit that liked us so much it decided to stay – and never left us again” – is one I’ve thought about so often since I bought the book in New York in the 90s.

Habits are everything! Habits are what ultimately, in a way, determine how our daily lives unfold and our health. The good habits, the bad ones, and those we haven’t managed to establish yet.

2025 was the year I was going to take a good, thorough look at my habits, and I have plenty of good ones: my daily dry brushing, my (almost) daily blends of nourishing smoothies. I brush my teeth. I remember to straighten my back and engage my core. I lift consciously, with respect for my body, when handling heavy objects. I cleanse my skin every evening and nourish it daily. I drink green tea. I prioritise seeing friends and family, laughing and loving. I focus on eating a varied diet and staying hydrated every day, on keeping active, on getting daylight, and on visiting the dentist regularly – the list of things I consider good habits is long.

But – because there’s often a ‘but’ – there are also the bad habits. Bedtime, which got the better of me. Dietary supplements I’d started taking instead of eating properly. A lack of cardio exercise for my heart, and, perhaps most importantly, a lack of peace of mind.

Comprehensive genetic and DNA health tests in the spring of 2025 showed that my mind was lacking recovery, both during the day and at night during that vital regenerative sleep.I shed a tear as I sat in the car after receiving the ‘verdict’, because, sadly, there wasn’t a single thing about it that didn’t make sense. I could clearly see that the exact seven hours I squeezed in for sleep very rarely amounted to seven hours. I could clearly see that I never take mental breaks during the day. I often do several things at once: drive, have a conference call and eat a sandwich. I knew full well that I wasn’t taking the vitamin D I’m lacking, and so on.

Sometimes it takes a shock to make us humans wake up. I was certainly woken up good and proper. I mulled over what I should do for quite a while, because I’d, after all, been told before that I was deficient in vitamin D, so why hadn’t I been consistent about taking this important vitamin? And how could I make all these changes to my life and stick to them?

Many books have been written about how best to change habits. I haven’t read them, but I know there are lots of good ‘hacks’, such as ‘habit stacking’ – linking one action to another: before you brush your teeth, cleanse your skin first – that could be one way to make things stick.

However, I know myself and how many times I’ve promised myself I’d both brush my teeth and floss every day, and how quickly flossing then gets forgotten anyway. I need to bring out the “tough boss lady” in me at home and get some sort of overview.

I quite like Excel spreadsheets. Something inside me just wants to fill them in.

In the spring, I created an Excel spreadsheet: the horizontal rows listed all the days in the coming months, and the vertical columns listed the activities I wanted to make sure I got done.

- Sleep – in bed by 10.00 pm at the latest and getting at least 8–9 hours
- Practise meditation – 15 minutes daily
- Dietary supplements – daily
- Exercise – various forms of exercise – weekly
- Alcohol – record the number of drinks weekly

The list goes on…

Over the summer, the Excel spreadsheet became my ‘bible’, and I had to tick the boxes every day, otherwise the strict boss lady would be unhappy. It took on a bit of a gamified feel, in a good way.

Instead of an Excel spreadsheet, you could also use a paper monthly calendar, a nice notebook that you can keep on your kitchen or bedside table, or a digital habit-tracking app that sends reminders… Whatever works for you.

And then I bought a ‘smart ring’ that gave me an insight into lots of different things. Smart rings aren’t 100% reliable, but I have to say it was spot on:

“Your heart rate was high last night – did you drink alcohol last night?”
– Err, yes, I did. WOW. That hit home!

“Your sleep latency was long yesterday”
– Argggg, yes, I was also on my screen right up until I closed my eyes, and it obviously took longer than usual before I actually fell asleep.

And especially in relation to the four stages: recovery, relaxed, energetic and stressed – this taught me a lot about how my body experiences different activities. My mind.

Our physical appearance gives a good indication of many things, and because I look healthy and am involved in physical and mental health through my work and my interests, there were also several people in my circle who ‘put up a bit of a fight’... “Oh, darling! You’re so healthy,” I was told on several occasions, and perhaps I do look healthy. But we can’t see each other’s mental health or everything that’s going on inside us.

They say that stress is the new killer, and although I didn’t feel stressed and am happy and content as a person, that doesn’t change the fact that we humans need rest and recovery as a counterbalance to being active. I have high energy levels and an exceptional ability to push beyond my own limits, so that “I’m tired” doesn’t really mean anything to me once I’ve set my mind to something – and I usually have.

I describe my process as being like turning a huge container ship round – it takes time. A long time. For me, it took several months. I was less sociable and spent more time on my own.

When I first learnt that I was sleeping poorly, I suddenly started sleeping even worse. I’d wake up several times every night, worrying about whether I’d be able to fall asleep again – which only made it harder. Our minds are so easily influenced, and what we ‘tell ourselves’ is important, because the soul listens.

It’s winter now, and I’m in a completely different place to where I was in the spring. I’m sleeping more, drinking less, taking my supplements, looking after myself better, recognising my limits and setting boundaries.

I practise meditation almost every day, and it feels like a balm for the brain. Ironically, I’ve only just started now, even though I’m a qualified yoga instructor and have always worked in holistic health. But what we find most difficult is often what we avoid.

I convinced myself that a walk by the sea was meditation, but my brain was still overactive, working, problem-solving. On the days I don’t meditate, my brain can feel a bit ‘overcooked’, and I crave the calm that just 15 minutes of ‘switching off’ my thoughts provides. Thoughts still come, but far fewer.

I make sure to take my vitamins every day. Here, I’ve set up a system with 30-day packs in small bags, which I reuse time and time again. Now the bag is ready and sits next to my blender, where I can see it. That’s where I make sure to take my vitamins every day. What it took was both a system and sticking to it for several months to be able to tick the box in the Excel spreadsheet.

It’s winter, and I’ve taken off my smart ring, and I’m no longer filling in the Excel spreadsheet – for the time being, that is. I might need both again. I’ve developed new habits, and I’m grateful for them. Now it’s about living with my new habits, without monitoring, because enjoying life is more important than anything. For example, I don’t need to know the quality of my sleep every night, nor do I need the ring to tell me whether I’ve had a rest in between all the activity. 

The container ship is sailing in a new direction. I’m looking after myself better. In a way, I’m less ‘strong’ than I was before, when I could do ‘everything’ and be there for everyone, and never ran out of energy. I’ve got to know myself better at the age of 51.

It’s quite beautiful! 

It all starts with the conversation with yourself, the conversation I had on the day I created the Excel spreadsheet. What do I want to change, and how am I going to do it?

Are there any habits you want to change? Or new habits you want to adopt? Well, I wish you all the best in succeeding with this – and I can confidently guarantee that you won’t regret it.

Warm regards, Mette